Change isconsiderablyeasier when you have a full complement of supporting partners andunlimitedresources。 But， since very often it is the shock of a death， divorce or some other life tragedy thatunceremoniouslytosses us out of our comfort zone tofendfor ourselves， it can mean being forced to strike out alone which for many of us is the scariest part of all。
I'm a teacher, teaching English to high school students. If you ask me whether I feel happy or not, my answer would be:
Disclaimer: this article is not saying whether marriage is a good or bad thing (let’s not label it), and I also cannot say for certain if I will or will not get married in the future (I live in the present and do not intend to predict the future). This article simply states my view that why I don’t think marriage is necessary for the New Age we live in.
Sometimes I do, but most of the time I don't.
Saying marriage is not necessary does not mean that I think love is not necessary. In fact, I think love is absolutely necessary, and romantic love is particularly good for human health and wellbeing. And I do value forming meaningful partnership(s). And I do want children in life.
Probably the most difficult thing about pursuing significant change is doing it when you don’t have the knowledge， financial or emotional tools available to make the process go smoothly。
Why is that? Here’s a quote from what I wrote yesterday:
However, despite all the above, I still do not think marriage is necessary. This is because I believe:
Think about it, what can make a teacher so happy? Of course it is that he feels needed and, luckily, has a bunch of eager and hungry students.
1) Marriage does not equal to love
However， as difficult as it can be， sometimes reaching our full potential means working without a net。 Or， as Tony Robbins says， “If you want to take the island， burn the f’ing boats！”
Yes, I am needed, but mostly by students’ parents instead of students themselves. Parents often tell me that it is so difficult to find a truly great teacher. I know what they mean. They want good grades, which can make them happy and proud.
Yes, there are people who get married for true love (I’m talking about true unconditional love, not ordinary attachment love). I cheer for these people, marrying for true love is probably the only saint reason I can see to get into marriage, getting married for other reasons do not appeal to me that much.
However, unfortunately, I don’t have a bunch of eager and hungry students. The students sitting in my classroom are not like those I meet on the Internet. They are lazy, unambitious and numb, living such a life day in day out.
(However, if it is for necessary practical reason that two people absolutely have to get married, such as getting a resident permit, then I think it’s also fine).
For those truly dedicated to their mission， having fewer resources and no backup or fallback plan can be a surprising blessing as it forces you to get creative and forge new paths。
They should be what young kids should be, but they aren’t. I don’t exaggerate about it, for that is exactly what I’m seeing.
Other reasons to get married include it’s the age to get married, or for having children, or for having sex (some people think you need to get married to have sex) …
If you ask them why, they would tell you that learning is so boring that they are not interested in it. Here’s what they say:
I am not saying the above reasons are right or wrong, it is simply people’s choice and every one is entitled to choose for themselves. I simply state my own personal views that these other reasons do not appeal to me enough to get married.
I don’t know if it’s possible to leave this world with zero regrets。 Because of the natural life cycles and the fact that sometimes it’s the tragedy that causes our awakenings we often have our epiphanies too late to avoid certain painful outcomes。
I have too much homework to do.
I have too many exams to take.
I don't have enough time to sleep.
I'm forced to learn too much.
I hate my teachers.
I don't feel happy when learning.
Also, for me, even if I love, and love deeply, I still do not need marriage.
Maybe they can list more if given enough time. To be frank, this is the real story of what's happening in the life of most high school students.
Marriage is in essence a legal contract between two parties. It is an institutional instrument. I personally do not feel that I need this legal contract to tie myself up with someone in order to prove my love for someone or for someone else to prove his love for me.
However， it is indefensible to can claim ignorance to the possible ramifications of continued inaction。 The choice belongs to each and every one of us。 We all have the power to change both our thoughts and behavior thereby giving more intentional direction to the remainder of our lives。
So, what happened?
Love is, simply, love, and it does not require a legal contract to prove it. I do not feel I need to swear to God that “I will love this person until death do us apart” in front of many people.
Years ago, it was my interest in English and my enthusiasm for education that made me decide to pursue a career as an English teacher. I imagined that I could change my students as much as I had been changed by my teacher when I was young. I imagined that I could have a bunch of eager and hungry students, who are curious about what they don’t know and trying hard to go beyond themselves and learn to find more possibilities.
Also, it is very likely that I simply cannot promise that (even if I do love that person so much that it may seem only “until death do us apart”). I live in the present and intend to do so for as long as possible, whatever happens in the future is not really up for me to decide. I also understand change is the only constant in life.
But years later, I find that I was wrong. I do have such students, but just a few, not many.
You see, love is a sacred feeling. It cannot be by force. Unless I love, I can’t force myself to love someone, neither can I force anyone to love me. Forcing someone to love or forcing any relationship is a recipe for disaster.
I always deem that the luckiest thing a student can ever have at school is that he or she can meet a truly great teacher, who can lead him or her to a whole new level. But when such a teacher is standing right before your eyes, you are not even aware of it. How ridiculous!
Also, this feeling could change too. Love is in essence a flowing energy. Love can flow from you to things and to different people. I certainly feel that I can develop romantic feelings for different people at the same time, this may range from intensity but it is definitely possible.
I’m not saying that I am that truly great teacher, but I can promise you that I have been doing as much as I can to make myself a truly great one.
(and I believe it is not just me who can love/like different people at the same time, so do many other people too, but probably too scared to admit!)
Now I know the real reason behind it.
Also I find marriage tends to be good at ruining love for some reason. I think this is probably because when people get into marriage, they think the work is now done and they can relax and start taking each other for granted.
As a matter of fact, I can’t blame my students because they tell me that they really want to make a change and be better, but they can’t make it. They get tired of what they are learning at school and, at the same time, they feel unhappy about what they are forced by their demanding parents at home.
Guess what, marriage is only the beginning, it is when the work starts getting even more and more challenging! Unless both you and your partner are mature, and very conscious and know how to truly love one another, then marriage will probably be very difficult.